Pet Peeves -- Idiot Spammers
It goes without saying that all spammers are stupid; but what's not obvious is that some are
far more stupid than others.
You're thinking, "What could make one spammer more stupid than another?"
Well, I've seen all of the following:
- a spam message advertizing some product/service, with absolutely no way to actually purchase that service (no phone number, web page, email, street address -- nothing).
This idiot went to all the trouble to spam everyone in the world, risking being sued and having his ISP cut him off, all for nothing.
- horibble typos:
- Dear amazon.com costumer,
- ... with all your corect information wroted by you las time you changed / updated or maked your acount...
- We deal in mechanical,office and hospital equipments. We export these equipments into Europe,Canada and North America.
- "clever" subject lines that try to get past primitive subject-line filters:
- "ACT N0W! We H_A_Ve VIAGRA I_N Stock!"
- Viagra is out of fa.shion, find out *why
- Subject: Try o,ur Special Erection Pack!
Obviously, the filter is searching for "viagra" and "Erection", and not any of the common words.
I'll be adding more as I see them.
Stopping Spammers
Accepting email and filtering it is not the way to stop spammers.
Go read about spamd, the tool that I use.
If everyone used this, spam would be DEAD.
Another fun thing to do is look for open relay tests in the logs, and fake up a reply saying that it worked.
Then let spamd do the rest!
If you're a spammer, you can save yourself so much grief by just removing all @parse.com email addresses from your lists; there are only
about half a dozen valid addresses, not the many hundreds that seem to be attempted :-).
Good luck with that!
Wall of Shame
What follows is a list of the choicest, juciest, meatiest cuts of spam. Enjoy!
That's the whole point, isn't it?
Bad credit seems to be a major deterrent for lenders these days but again,
what if there was somewhere out there who didn't care for your credit status?
Now, which spam are we really sending?
Subject: Tiered of been passed over for that promotion because you don't have the proper Degree?
Now ordering Viagra became even faster
Or maybe they're trying to tell us something about the relationship between Viagra and being "tiered"?
So close to being grammatically correct...
Ive found cool site, more than 270 soft and all of them are very cheap,
in all european languages - english, France, Italy, Spanish, German.
I have too much self esteem, and these guys can help!
get rid of that self-esteem once and for all.
How small was it before???
Testimonial: I enjoy my new 3 inch penis, even the orgasms are ten times better.
Oh look, now his wife wants a penis too!
I always wanted a bigger pe*nis, so did my wife!
Guess I missed it:
A low interest loan - NO STRINGS ATTACHED, here is the deal we can offer
you TONIGHT (hurry, this deal will expire NOW):
$40,000+ loan
Hurry, when the deal is gone, it is gone.
Now heres an "unfortunate" use of an expired domain name for promoting penis enlargement products:
300,000 satisfied men already use our penIs enlargement products
http://www.holdmine.com/
Grab that, will ya?
These morons are confused about which spam they're trying to send!
Subject: Huge discounts on virility boosters
Still looking for the best offers on quality replica watches?
I think this one summarizes a lot of what's wrong with the world today:
Feel at peace in the middle of war with Valium & Xanax
This is so "obfuscated" as to be almost unreadable.
I'm sure this gets the message across very effectively, I know *I* want to invest!
H u+g,e N*e,w-s To Imp*act C'Y T+V
Chi-na Yo-uTV C-o'r-p..
Symb+ol: C Y*T*V
We h-a*v+e alr+eady s,e*e'n CYTV'.s m-arket i,mpact befo,re clim.bin_g to o'v e.r $ 2.00 w-i_t,h n'e'w_s+.
Pre_ss R*elease:
Chi-na YouTV'*s Cn-Boo W,e+b S+i t,e Ra.nks N'o-.-1 on Micro+.soft L+i,v.e S'earch En+gine
Now, this is a massive penis!
Now you can always fight back with your penis.
I'm guessing you, what, unzip yourself and clobber someone over the head with it?
This opportunity is just so ...
Commission Agent Needed!!! (Unspeakable Opportunity)
But what if I'm using my assistant?
Subject: YOUR ASSISTANT NEEDED
These guys sent this to a harvested web address that's impossible to "opt-in" or to have email sent to it by accident, even by a really stupid human:
This email is to introduce our company spammer's name deleted and
services we offer. Spammer's name deleted is an international
leader of sales and marketing databases products for high technology
businesses. We provide installed customer lists for companies such as
Oracle, PeopleSoft, Siebel, etc. Our lists are continuously maintained
to ensure the highest level of accuracy and completeness.
Translation: We are spammers. Our lists are pure shite. We use big impressive words. And we grab email addresses wherever we find them and sell them to you.
I want to buy this, such compelling advertising! WTF is a "federal comfort station"???
Dames always srieked at me and even blokes did in the federal comfort station!
Well, now I smil at them, because I took Me_ga d_ik
for 5 months and now my prick is greatly greater than usual
These must be the same wankers -- except this time they're in the "free water closet" :-)
Dolls always whooped at me and even fellows did in the free water closet!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Mega Dik for 6 months and now
my penis is badly best than national.
Huh. So, in 5 months it becomes "greatly greater", but if you take it for one more month
it suddenly becomes "badly best". Look out!
Now I'm sure of it; same guys, same bad English, but totally amusing! (Still not quite clear on how to spell "shriek", though).
Babes always whizgiggled at me and even boys did in the unrestricted water closet!
Well, now I sriek at them, because I took MEGA DICK
for 4 months and now my phallus is dreadfully greater than average!
Oh look, baby's first spam! Now if only the idiot spammer had just bothered to figure out how to do the macro substitution...
From: "~%R_1_FROM_NAME\M-!\M-*" <rmaaxrujtwxlsm@ms72.hinet.net>
To: cdwcrqepfci@anet.net.tw
Subject: %R_2_SUBJECT
...
<TITLE>%TITLE</TITLE>
...
<a href=3D"http://%HTTP/%R_3_LINK">%LINK_WORD<br><br>
<IMG SRC=3D"http://%PIC/%R_4_PIC" ALT=3D"" border=3D"0"></a>
Desperate all right... and talk about your poorly constructed rambling sentence!
I am writing you this mail which I know will get to you as a surprise, but since
I am a desperate situation, I know the internet in general is not a safe place
considering what is happening around the world today; however, l had no other
choice other than to contact you in this manner of approach.
Quality products!
Heard a lot about replica watches but don't believe they can be qualitative?
Dates!
Jul 24 15:19:57 gateway spamd[13893]: 194.87.xxx.xx: Body: Just until tomorrow
Jul 27 if you purchase the Doctor List ...
Mortgages!
Want to save on your current mortgage program?
No problems, no obligations. Simple as never!
Just fill full our 30 seconds form and get your discount!
Oh, ok. Here's some poor spelling and grammar:
I am 19 years child and my mother the widowed wife to former Sudanese
First-Vice President John Garang are writing you this letter with the
believe that you will be kind enough to come to our aid since the death of
my father because My mother is the last wife to my father before his
death.
To say nothing of poor sentence construction -- what a solidly compelling argument for giving them money, "because she is the last wife."
At least they didn't write "Genuine assistance neened", like some scammers have.
Subject: Kid friendly real-like Helicopter! Perfect for the Holidays!
FLIES AND HOVERS LIKE A REAL HELICOPTER NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES!!!
It's "real-like", eh what? And of course they are correct; I have indeed not seen a real helicopter in stores. How did they know???
And how about this for representation?
Subject: COME REPRESESNT OUR FIRM
I think they've already done enough represesnting, don't you?
Just in:
We have come across what we feel is one of those rear deals that the...
Sweet, huh?
From the Viagra and Cialis crowd:
Did you know that 76% of girls prefer guys with a descent ramrod?
I wonder what percentage of statistics are made up about chicks who dig droopy rods?
Addresses that Don't go Anywhere
Found another beauty:
<i>Hi! I am looking for new friends.</i>
<p><i>My name is Jane, I am from Miami, FL. </i></p>
<p><i>See my <a href="http://10.9.73.20:1639/index.htm">homepage</a> with my weblog and last webcam
photos!</i></p>
<i>See you!</i>
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